This is a response I am hearing from an increasing number of white middle class baby boomers as they face the prospect of becoming old, enfeebled and a financial and emotional burden on their children.

It may also be that they are projecting the burden, drain and resentment they are feeling or have felt towards their own aging parents who have become enfeebled and require nearly round the clock care. And knowing how they have felt towards their own parents, they don’t want their children to carry the burden of taking care of them and feeling the same way towards them.

It may be prescient of them that knowing how impatient they have been with their own parents and that their Millennial kids have no patience whatsoever, the idea that becoming mentally and physically enfeebled and dependent on these children portends an absolutely horrendous quality of life for both them and their children.

Is there a solution so that baby boomers might go “gently into that good night” instead of taxing their patience challenged adult children? Most likely what will happen is that when the middle class Millennials grow up and are in the position of having to take care of their elderly baby boomer parents, they will find a way (as their baby boomer parents have) to help pay for their care and delegate their caring to third world caretakers who still retain God’s gift of patience towards those in their care (which is why many a middle class baby boomer declares such caretakers “Godsends”).

One highly unlikely alternative is that Millennials will somehow develop patience to calmly follow the admonition of Cicely Saunders, founder of the hospice movement in caring for dying and infirm parents: “Don’t just do something, stand there.” Why so unlikely? Maybe it’s because their baby boomer parents who were the last generation to abandon patience in favor of the race to get more, sooner have been such effective role models.

In closing I am reminded of a quote from Dr. Milton Greenblatt from the 1970′s:

First we are children to our parents,
then parents to our children,
then parents to our parents,
then children to our children.

But then again that was in a galaxy far, far away and a time long, long ago when patience was not just a virtue… it was actually possible.

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. 

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying

When it comes to funeral poems it can seem like it is a huge task trying to choose the right one. This is because a well chosen poem can make a big impact on a funeral. Poems are great ways of expressing how you are feeling. They are also a great way for you to start healing your emotions, both for the people listening to the poem and to the person who are reading it out.

Most funeral poems as you would expect talk of loss and the sadness that comes with this. However the poems you use at the funeral do not have to be sad they can instead be uplifting. They can talk about valuing the amazing things about a person and their life. The poems can be a celebration; they can talk of love for that person. poems can have any tone which you want at a funeral.

Sometimes it can be quite fitting for the poem to having nothing at all to do with funerals or death. If the deceased enjoyed certain activities, for example, sailing, you could read a poem about the sea. In the same way, if the deceased had a favorite poet then the poem could be one by this poet. This will work especially if you tell everyone that it was their favorite poet before reading the poem out.

What will generally work well for a funeral poem is choosing something that will speak to the audience the most. A funeral poem should have a wide appeal. For example, if the deceased liked Shakespeare, depending on who else will be at the funeral, some might not be able to relate to it. This is why a lot of consideration needs to go into choosing a poem for a funeral. A funeral poem can be read during a funeral on its own or you could incorporate it into a part of any eulogy.

If you choose you can also read your poem away from the funeral service. You can read the poem together as a family or on your own. This all depends on personal choice and how you feel about the funeral poem. The choice is totally up to you do not feel pressured by what most people may expect. You may even wish to pass a funeral poem round before, during or after the funeral for everyone to read to themselves. Funeral poems help a great deal in comforting people, no matter which way you decide to incorporate a poem into the funeral service it will still have a big impact on many.

Remember if a funeral poem you like has a line or word that is inappropriate then you can always change it or remove it altogether. No one will notice or care, they will just listen to the poem and reflect upon it. If you feel you are able to write your own poem then that is also a great idea. It is a very personal method when having a poem. Seven of the most popular funeral poems are listed here:

• Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep
• If I Should Go Before the Rest of You
• Funeral Blues
• Remember
• Life Unbroken
• On Death (From the Prophet)
• Footprints

Jason Williams is a full time writer at Funeral-Homes.Co, a leading site on Funeral Homes and Sending Funeral Flowers.